My hott Friday night date

with Labor and Delivery. No, seriously.

I got into a car accident on Friday afternoon. Nothing serious, someone pulled out in front of me. I saw him and managed to slam on the breaks and try to get off the road before he sideswiped me. My front end fell off! Thankfully, I was with a co-worker on Official State Business so he called 911 to alert the local law enforcement while I called E for a ride.

Local law enforcement took 90 minutes to get there. Co-worker called them twice, the second time using the "P" word and then E called them and yelled at them. We saw two other cop cars drive past too!

Anyways, I went to my local hospital to get checked out. I felt fine and the baby was moving regularly but as you know, I can be a bit of a worrywart so I had E drop me off while he waited in the car with S. I got in fairly quickly being pregnant and such they didn't even touch me just whisked me up to labor and delivery. I was hooked up to a fetal monitor and heard the baby's heartbeat. They monitored me for about 30 minutes and decided to admit me overnight "just to be safe."

Ugh.

"With an IV."

UGH!

So I call E and tell him to go home with S. Big De is being held captive by the labor and delivery nurse.

They ask some odd questions. Such as:
-"Are you on Medicaid?"- I totally just showed you my insurance card which did not say "Medicaid."
- "Are you and your husband common law?"- Uh, no, and MYOB.
- "Do you have a car seat?"- Well, if I get to take home a baby tonight my non-common-law husband will need to go get it, but yes.
- "Do you have bottles?"- Nope but we have a fine collection of Pilsner glasses we will let the baby drink out of. Do babies prefer a lager or a darker beer?

Then I get an internal exam. To which the nurse pronounces that "nothing is going in or out of there anytime soon." Wow.

So, in a open backed gown, carrying an IV bag with a fetal monitor attached to my ample stomach with a pink and blue belt, I saunter to my room for the night.

I'll skip the trying to pee with an IV story but it's a doozy. I now understand the allure of the bedpan.

The time was at that point approximately 11:30pm.

Two episodes of the Golden Girls and it was nighty night. For one hour.

1:30-2:30: Stare out window, which has a lovely view of the elevator and happy pregnant women who get to go sleep in their own beds.

2:30-3:30: Sleep manges to return.

3:30: Awoken by a loud beep. My IV had finished. Get another one!

3:30-5:30: Try the TV. Watch "3 Men and a Baby." Wonder why women found Tom Selleck so sexy. Consider ripping out the IV and telling the nice nurse "Screw you guys, I'm going home."

5:30-7:30- Glorious sleep!

7:30- Another blood pressure check. Turn on TV again. Cycle 7 of America's Next Top Model.

8:00- FINALLY see the Dr. She says I can go home!

8:30- Nurse comes in, takes off the monitor and the IV. I sign paperwork that allows me a "regular diet with regular activities."

8:40- I get to pee. Ahhhhhhh. And put on the same clothes I wore all day yesterday. Ew.

9:15- E and S arrive. E announces that he had "A really good night's sleep." Consider throat-punching my own husband.

Then spent the morning (wearing the same clothes) all around town running car-related errands. The afternoon was spent under hot water and in a long nap.

I think I'm going to travel with a bag containing the following items: underwear, socks (my feet got cold), toothbrush/toothpaste, face wash, and contact solution.

Oh, and those IV thingys hurt. And honestly, hearing your babies heartbeat gets old after about 3 hours. I know that might make me a bad mom but I'm ok with it.

Seriously though, I ended up ok, baby girl ended up ok so we're all set.