Hi. You don't know me and that's cool. But I used to read your magazine a lot, in Dr's waiting rooms, in journalism class when I was supposed to be interviewing the Boys Cross Country team, etc...
I wanted to talk about your cover this week (month? Are you a monthly magazine?)
Please stop trying to start a mommy war over this. No, I do not breastfeed my 2.5 year old but I know plenty of moms who do and when we chat it's not about who's "mom enough" it's about the cute things our toddlers do, expanding our families (or not), and the marital relations.
I also say that I (somewhat) practice many of the tents of Attachment Parenting. Here they are in case you managed to lose them somehow...
- Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting
- Feed with Love and Respect
- Respond with Sensitivity
- Use Nurturing Touch
- Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally
- Provide Consistent Loving Care
- Practice Positive Discipline
- Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life
(yes, from Wikipedia, but that's the easiest resource I found)
Notice how breastfeeding and even extended breastfeeding could fit naturally into these principles, but they in and of themselves are NOT principles AP. For me, these principles are a merely one of many "parenting tricks and tools" that I have at my disposal. When A was a baby it meant learning as much as I could about being a parent; having a natural birth; wearing her occasionally; co-sleeping when needed; attempting to breastfeed and when it was making me resentful of my own child, stopping and choosing to bottle feed. As she has turned into a toddler these principles have guided me to making serious dietary changes to create a more healthy lifestyle for our family; choosing the best daycare we could afford; keeping in mind that I am the parent and it is my job to not freak out (always a challenge), and choosing alternative means of discipline outside of corporal punishment.
And Time, I know this may come as a shocker to you but, I think that a lot of these principles are just what good parents do. Most of the parents I know do what works until it doesn't work anymore and then we head back to the drawing board and find something else.
Now to the heart of my letter. Being a parent is hella tough. And I do a LOT of tough things in my life, I'm a social worker for crying out loud! Stop trying to make it harder by inventing mommy wars. The VAST majority of the moms I know SUPPORT one another in their decisions, not sit back and wonder if they're "mommy enough" to breast feed until college or let them catch the bus downtown alone at age 5. By making it a contest, you just encourage hostility and discourage community. Which is the last thing a bunch of stressed and tired parents need, AP practicing or not.
Sincerely,
Big De
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