People who know me from "back in the day" know that I've always had a, um, colorful history with driving. Both through my own actions and the actions of other motorists.
As you all know, I have been tearing up the roads between the Incorporated Swamp and the town all 4 of my parents live in. You should also know I have a little bit of a lead foot. Not much but it does come out particularly on the interstate.
The day after my dad went home on Hospice I was driving up there with A. We had just gotten north of a town known for it's correctional institutions but had yet to get to the town with a huge gas station whose mascot is a beaver.
As I come up over a hill I see one of Texas' finest. And I figure I'm probably done for. As he turns on his lights, I know I'm toast.
What happened next is perhaps the strangest encounter I've ever had with a cop.
The statements in parenthesis are what I wish I could have said to the guy. But I didn't, because he had the power to cost me money.
Officer: Good morning, where are you headed?
Me: *name of town* My dad is on Hospice, he has cancer*
Officer: I'm sorry to hear that. Is this your car?
Me: Yes. (well, actually the bank owns it and it's in my husbands name but he bought it after we married and Texas is a community property state so technically, yes, this is my car)
Officer: (peers into the back seat) Is that your daughter?
Me: Yes. (Yes, want to see my stretch marks as proof? OR It's quite clear you don't have a 2 year old because if you did you would know that no one in their right mind would travel alone with one willingly)
Officer: I clocked you at 78**. Can I see your drivers license?
Me: Ok. I'm going to reach into my purse and get it.***
Officer: (looks at drivers license) You still live on *name of street*?
Me: Yes. (Nosy jackhole)
Officer: Ok, I'm going to go run your drivers license and if you don't have any warrants I'll just write you a warning.
Me: Ok. (really? Do you often find that women driving SUV's with car seats in the back that look like typical 30 year old soccer moms have warrants?)
::: he goes into his car and then comes back a few minutes later:::
Officer: Congratulations, you have no warrants!
Me: Ok. (WTF? Are you new?)
Officer: Here is a warning, you don't have to do anything with it just, um, here.
Me: Ok. (So you pretty much wasted time and paper? Awesome. Love our tax dollars at work. Who needs to feed hungry people or provide more resources to vulnerable populations when you can write warnings for people going 3 over the speed limit. Downhill.)
Officer: Have a nice day.
Me: You too (idiot.)
*I was NOT going to tell him this but it came out.
** Speed limits on Interstates during the day is 75.
*** Because Texas is a bunch of trigger happy cowpeople, I make it a point to keep my hands in plain sight and not make any sudden moves.
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