Dear Snickers

Dear Snickers:

I hate you. Seriously. And that is HUGE considering where that statement is coming from. My mother loves you and so naturally I loved you too. Until this afternoon.

I wanted you. Bad. I was sitting at my desk surfing the internets, I mean, um, working, and I got to thinking about how I needed a little something to get me through the rest of the work day. I went with a co-worker to the Dollar General. A quick exchange of money and the deal was done. Now, I normally pair you with a Diet Coke/Pepsi/Coke Zero but since I'm trying to cut that out I was hoping you went well with water.

So I get back to my office and place you on my desk in your shiny wrapper. You know how much I love the shiny. I noticed you looked a little different. I noticed a slightly older yet still handsome Harrison Ford on your wrapper. I thought nothing of it (except a fleeting thought as to your age since that movie is now on video?).

I quickly tore off your wrapper and indulged in my first bite. Hm. Something tastes a bit odd here. Have my pregnancy taste buds changed to make you taste weird?? Then my eyes fall to your wrapper. There, on the back it says in small print "limited time with exotic spices and the subtle flavor of coconut."

What the mess Snickers?!?! You had a good thing going. The chocolate, the nougat (whatever the hell that is), the salty peanuts, all good things. Then you go and ruin what had been a very successful long term relationship. How could you?

You had me fooled, and in the words of a fool, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, well, you just shouldn't fool me." You made me feel cheap and tawdry.

So anyways, we are done. Don't try to tempt me, I am no longer interested in playing your petty games. You have messed with the wrong woman. You know it's not a good idea to cross a pregnant woman. Just ask my husband.

The next time I see you I will pass you over. For Peanut M&M's. Let you see how it feels to be treated as though your feelings don't matter.

Sincerely,
Big De

PS- Don't call me.